Reflecting on the last two years has been easy, especially with my Facebook memories page. Each day I see the posts I shared or wrote the days before, during and after my husband graduated to heaven. And… it has been difficult. The difficulty comes in seeing the growth, and in also recalling what I’d forgotten. Yet, at the same time Holy Spirit teaches me through each moment.
The attached picture is one such thing I shared two years ago. Two days after the passing of my husband to Glory, and a few days before his celebration of life service. There are several things I knew at this time. 1. God was much bigger than my circumstance. 2. My circumstance did not define, and does not define His goodness (He is always good). 3. To stand firm and walk out what I believed and knew to be true; God was, is and always be on the throne. Cancer did not change that. Earthly death did not change that. Cody received the ultimate reward when he took his last earthly breath. Where many see it as a loss, I see it as a victory. After all, our ultimate goal as believers is running the race as if to win until we reach the finish line. He ran hard, with tenacity and endurance, and he crossed that finish line. Praise God!
But that doesn’t mean I don’t forget sometimes. On Tuesday, the anniversary of his home-going, I reminded God what His Word said about widows and the fatherless, I reminded Him of who He says I am according to His Word, and I asked Him to remember me and my plight.
Seriously, I’ve been cared for all my adult life by a man who worked hard to provide for his family. He didn’t want me to work. Every time I brought it up, it got shot down. I was blessed and somewhat spoiled. I’m still blessed.
However, I’m sure you can imagine the life change. I won’t tell you about the financial burdens, or the lack of partnership in life that we had together, that’s not what this post is about.
What I do want to say, is last night about five minutes before I was to get off work it started to rain. Not torrential, but completely vertical. We had to be out of the store by a certain time before the alarms go of, so hanging out until it was over wasn’t an option. Let’s just say that’s what I would have preferred. I wasn’t scared, but hey, it was quite the storm.
I locked up, my co-worker ran to her car, I have to enter a code on my keypad because I don’t have a fob, no biggie. But then I had to pop the hood and add water to my radiator, because, you know, she has over 260,000 miles on her and she’s starting to groan :). I was drenched by the time I got into the car. I backed out of the parking space, which was difficult since the rain was blinding and I realized there are cars stopped with their blinkers flashing and then I see a tree. A tree! In the middle of the highway behind me. Thanks to a 78 mph wind gust. Yep, it was a storm.
So, this girl, the one who used to hide in closets at the sound of thunder, drew in a deep breath and instead of crying about not having a husband–because if she did she wouldn’t have to work anyway, and if she did, he would have made sure she wasn’t alone in the storm, and if she did he wouldn’t have allowed her to take a car that wasn’t dependable and if she did she wouldn’t have to work (Yeah, I know I said that already)–I laughed the entire way home, trusting God would get me there safely. And He did.
And last night, shortly after midnight as my hair was still soaked from the rain, the picture above showed up in my Facebook feed.
Yep, He sent a storm to remind me He is who He says He is. Now, am I who I say I am? I woman full of faith, chasing after God.